now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
