She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
