don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
