I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
