Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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