New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
