there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
