yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
