I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
either way he was missing a nipple.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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