i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
