just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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