he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
