We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
