just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
