It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
