weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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