We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
