yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
