Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
