farters have to be the big spoon...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
