I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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