Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
