Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
