Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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