umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
