You smell like a Billy Joel song
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There are leaves in my underwear?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
