If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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