is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
