I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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