i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
