If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
