I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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