i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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