wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
