What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
