Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize