Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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