It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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