I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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