I got chris browned last night
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
