We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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