are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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