So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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