Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
