between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
