Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
