I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
