Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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