So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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