i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is this like a preordered booty call?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
