Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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