You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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