"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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