they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
