There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize