I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
