he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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