So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
