had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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