My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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