I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
