He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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