it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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