he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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