her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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